The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master [article]

This article was published on my 23rd birthday. I remember stumbling across it just before I turned 25. I thought it'd be nice to revisit the article. Word to @SethBrundle.

The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master
A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. People count on you to come through. That's why you need these, to start.
PLUS: The 25 Skills Every Man Should Know
By Tom Chiarella

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. I got run out of a job I liked once, and while it was happening, a guy stopped me in the hall. Smart guy, but prone to saying too much. I braced myself. I didn't want to hear it. I needed a white knight, and I knew it wasn't him. He just sighed and said: When nobody has your back, you gotta move your back. Then he walked away. Best advice I ever got. One sentence.


2. Tell if someone is lying. Everyone has his theory. Pick one, test it. Choose the tells that work for you. I like these: Liars change the subject quickly. Liars look up and to their right when they speak. Liars use fewer contractions. Liars will sometimes stare straight at you and employ a dead face. Liars never touch their chest or heart except self-consciously. Liars place objects between themselves and you during a conversation.


3. Take a photo. Fill the frame.


4. Score a baseball game. Scoring a game is an exercise in ciphering, creating a shorthand of your very own. In this way, it's a private language as much as a record of the game. The only given is the numbering of the positions and the use of the diamond to express each batter's progress around the bases. I black out the diamond when a run scores. I mark an RBI with a tally mark in the upper-right-hand corner. Each time you score a game, you pick up on new elements to track: pitch count, balls and strikes, foul balls. It doesn't matter that this information is available on the Internet in real time. Scoring a game is about bearing witness, expanding your own ability to observe.


5. Name a book that matters. The Catcher in the Rye does not matter. Not really. You gotta read.


6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. One guy at your table knows where Cobain was born and who his high school English teacher was. Another guy can argue the elegant extended trope of Liquid Swords with GZA himself. This is how it should be. Music does not demand agreement. Rilo Kiley. Nina Simone. Whitesnake. Fugazi. Otis Redding. Whatever. Choose. Nobody likes a know-it-all, because 1) you can't know it all and 2) music offers distinct and private lessons. So pick one. Except Rilo Kiley. I heard they broke up.


7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
Buy The Way to Cook, by Julia Child. Try roasting. Braising. Broiling. Slow-cooking. Pan searing. Think ragouts, fricassees, stews. All of this will force you to understand the functionality of different cuts. In the end, grilling will be a choice rather than a chore, and your Weber will become a tool rather than a piece of weekend entertainment.


8. Not monopolize the conversation.


9. Write a letter.
So easy. So easily forgotten. A five-paragraph structure works pretty well: Tell why you're writing. Offer details. Ask questions. Give news. Add a specific memory or two. If your handwriting is terrible, type. Always close formally.


10. Buy a suit.
Avoid bargains. Know your likes, your dislikes, and what you need it for (work, funerals, court). Squeeze the fabric -- if it bounces back with little or no sign of wrinkling, that means it's good, sturdy material. And tug the buttons gently. If they feel loose or wobbly, that means they're probably coming off sooner rather than later. The jacket's shoulder pads are supposed to square with your shoulders; if they droop off or leave dents in the cloth, the jacket's too big. The jacket sleeves should never meet the wrist any lower than the base of the thumb -- if they do, ask to go down a size. Always get fitted.


11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.


12. Show respect without being a suck-up. Respect the following, in this order: age, experience, record, reputation. Don't mention any of it.


13. Throw a punch. Close enough, but not too close. Swing with your shoulders, not your arm. Long punches rarely land squarely. So forget the roundhouse. You don't have a haymaker. Follow through; don't pop and pull back. The length you give the punch should come in the form of extension after the point of contact. Just remember, the bones in your hand are small and easy to break. You're better off striking hard with the heel of your palm. Or you could buy the guy a beer and talk it out.


14. Chop down a tree. Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.


15. Calculate square footage. Width times length.


16. Tie a bow tie.
Step 1: Make a simple knot, allowing slightly more length (one to two inches) on the end of A.
Step 2: Lay A out of the way, fold B into the normal bow shape, and position it on the first knot you made.
Step 3: Drop A vertically over folded end B.
Step 4: Double back A on itself and position it over the knot so that the two folded ends make a cross.
Step 5: The hard part: Pass folded end A under and behind the left side (yours) of the knot and through the loop behind folded end B.
Step 6: Tighten the knot you have created, straightening, particularly in the center.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
When I interviewed for my first job, one of the senior guys had me to his house for a reception. He offered me a cigarette and pointed me to a bowl of whiskey sours, like I was Darrin Stephens and he was Larry Tate. I can still remember that first tight little swallow and my gratitude that I could go back for a refill without looking like a drunk. I came to admire the host over the next decade, but he never gave me the recipe. So I use this:
• For every 750-ml bottle of whiskey (use a decent bourbon or rye), add:
• 6 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lemon juice
• 6 oz simple syrup (mix superfine sugar and water in equal quantities)
To serve: Shake 3 oz per person with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glasses. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice or, if you're really slick, a float of red wine. (Pour about 1/2 oz slowly into each glass over the back of a spoon; this is called a New York sour, and it's great.)


18. Speak a foreign language. Pas beaucoup. Mais faites un effort.


19. Approach a woman out of his league. Ever have a shoeshine from a guy you really admire? He works hard enough that he doesn't have to tell stupid jokes; he doesn't stare at your legs; he knows things you don't, but he doesn't talk about them every minute; he doesn't scrape or apologize for his status or his job or the way he is dressed; he does his job confidently and with a quiet relish. That stuff is wildly inviting. Act like that guy.


20. Sew a button.


21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
Once, in our lifetime, much of Europe was approaching cultural and political irrelevance. Then they made like us and banded together into a union of confederated states. So you can always assume that they were simply copying the United States as they now push us to the verge of cultural and political irrelevance.


22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
Otherwise, ask after it.


23. Be loyal. You will fail at it. You have already. A man who does not know loyalty, from both ends, does not know men. Loyalty is not a matter of give-and-take: He did me a favor, therefore I owe him one. No. No. No. It is the recognition of a bond, the honoring of a shared history, the reemergence of the vows we make in the tight times. It doesn't mean complete agreement or invisible blood ties. It is a currency of selflessness, given without expectation and capable of the most stellar return.


24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Brand, amount, style, fast, like so: Booker's, double, neat.


25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
Use a contractor's hammer. Swing hard and loose, like a tennis serve.


26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.


27. Play gin with an old guy. Old men will try to crush you. They'll drown you in meaningless chatter, tell stories about when they were kids this or in Korea that. Or they'll retreat into a taciturn posture designed to get you to do the talking. They'll note your strategies without mentioning them, keep the stakes at a level they can control, and change up their pace of play just to get you stumbling. You have to do this -- play their game, be it dominoes or cribbage or chess. They may have been playing for decades. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they've learned without taking a lesson. But don't be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.


28. Play go fish with a kid.
You don't crush kids. You talk their ear off, make an event out of it, tell them stories about when you were a kid this or in Vegas that. You have to play their game, too, even though they may have been playing only for weeks. Observe. Teach them without once offering a lesson. And don't be afraid to win. They can handle it.


29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
Sometimes the laws of physics aren't laws at all. Read The Quantum World: Quantum Physics for Everyone, by Kenneth W. Ford.


30. Feign interest. Good place to start: quantum physics.


31. Make a bed.


32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I once stood in a wine store in West Hollywood where the owner described a pinot noir he favored as "a night walk through a wet garden." I bought it. I went to my hotel and drank it by myself, looking at the flickering city with my feet on the windowsill. I don't know which was more right, the wine or the vision that he placed in my head. Point is, it was right.


33. Hit a jump shot in pool. It's not something you use a lot, but when you hit a jump shot, it marks you as a player and briefly impresses women. Make the angle of your cue steeper, aim for the bottommost fraction of the ball, and drive the cue smoothly six inches past the contact point, making steady, downward contact with the felt.


34. Dress a wound. First, stop the bleeding. Apply pressure using a gauze pad. Stay with the pressure. If you can't stop the bleeding, forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Once the bleeding stops, clean the wound. Use water or saline solution; a little soap is good, too. If you can't get the wound clean, then forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Finally, dress the wound. For a laceration, push the edges together and apply a butterfly bandage. For avulsions, where the skin is punctured and pulled back like a trapdoor, push the skin back and use a butterfly. Slather the area in antibacterial ointment. Cover the wound with a gauze pad taped into place. Change that dressing every 12 hours, checking carefully for signs of infection. Better yet, get to a hospital.


35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).


36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Play the smallest and most poorly labeled areas, the bets where it's visually evident the casino doesn't want you to go. Simply play the pass line; once the point is set, play full odds (this is the only really good bet on the table); and when you want a little more action, tell the crew you want to lay the 4 and the 10 for the minimum bet.


37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
I play cards with guys who can't shuffle, and they lose. Always.


38. Tell a joke. Here's one:
Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."


39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
Aces. Eights. Always.


40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Use his first name. Don't use baby talk. Don't crank up your energy to match his. Ask questions and wait for answers. Follow up. Don't pretend to be interested in Webkinz or Power Rangers or whatever. He's as bored with that shit as you are. Concentrate instead on seeing the child as a person of his own.


41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
You don't own the restaurant, so don't act like it. You own the transaction. So don't speak into the menu. Lift your chin. Make eye contact. All restaurants have secrets -- let it be known that you expect to see some of them.


42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
Go ahead, use baby talk.


43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Just turn off the damned main.


44. Ask for help.
Guys who refuse to ask for help are the most cursed men of all. The stubborn, the self-possessed, and the distant. The hell with them.


45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. Rotate your arm rapidly in the grip, toward the other guy's thumb.


46. Tell a woman's dress size.


47. Recite one poem from memory. Here you go:
WHEN YOU ARE OLD
When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
--William Butler Yeats


48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.


49. Say no.


50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Cook until the white appears solid...and no longer.


51. Build a campfire.
There are three components:
1. The tinder -- bone-dry, snappable twigs, about as long as your hand. You need two complete handfuls. Try birch bark; it burns long and hot.
2. The kindling -- thick as your thumb, long as your forearm, breakable with two hands. You need two armfuls.
3. Fuel wood -- anything thick and long enough that it can't be broken by hand. It's okay if it's slightly damp. You need a knee-high stack.
Step 1: Light the tinder, turning the pile gently to get air underneath it.
Step 2: Feed the kindling into the emergent fire with some pace.
Step 3: Lay on the fuel wood. Pyramid, the log cabin, whatever -- the idea is to create some kind of structure so that plenty of air gets to the fire.


52. Step into a job no one wants to do. When I was 13, my dad called me into his office at the large urban mall he ran. He was on the phone. What followed was a fairly banal 15-minute conversation, which involved the collection of rent from a store. On and on, droning about store hours and lighting problems. I kept raising my eyebrows, pretending to stand up, and my dad kept waving me down. I could hear only his end, garrulous and unrelenting. He rolled his eyes as the excuses kept coming. His assertions were simple and to the point, like a drumbeat. He wanted the rent. He wanted the store to stay open when the mall was open. Then suddenly, having given the job the time it deserved, he put it to an end. "So if I see your gate down next Sunday afternoon, I'm going to get a drill and stick a goddamn bolt in it and lock you down for the next week, right?" When he hung up, rent collected, he took a deep breath. "I've been dreading that call," he said. "Once a week you gotta try something you never would do if you had the choice. Otherwise, why are you here?" So he gave me that. And this...


53. Sometimes, kick some ass.


54. Break up a fight. Work in pairs if possible. Don't get between people initially. Use the back of the collar, pull and urge the person downward. If you can't get him down, work for distance.


55. Point to the north at any time.
If you have a watch, you can point the hour hand at the sun. Then find the point directly between the hour hand and the 12. That's south. The opposite direction is, of course, north.


56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.


57. Explain what a light-year is. It's the measure of the distance that light travels over 365.25 days.


58. Avoid boredom. You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don't always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted.


59. Write a thank-you note.
Make a habit of it. Follow a simple formula like this one: First line is a thesis statement. The second line is evidentiary. The third is a kind of assertion. Close on an uptick.
Thanks for having me over to watch game six. Even though they won, it's clear the Red Sox are a soulless, overmarketed contrivance of Fox TV. Still, I'm awfully happy you have that huge high-def television. Next time, I really will bring beer. Yours,


60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. It tells a lot about who you are and where you came from. Me? I like Hellman's mayonnaise and Genesee beer, which makes me the fleshy, stubbornly upstate ne'er-do-well that I will always be.


61. Cook bacon.
Lay out the bacon on a rack on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.


62. Hold a baby.
Newborns should be wrapped tightly and held against the chest. They like tight spaces (consider their previous circumstances) and rhythmic movements, so hold them snug, tuck them in the crook of your elbow or against the skin of your neck. Rock your hips like you're bored, barely listening to the music at the edge of a wedding reception. No one has to notice except the baby. Don't breathe all over them.


63. Deliver a eulogy. Take the job seriously. It matters. Speak first to the family, then to the outside world. Write it down. Avoid similes. Don't read poetry. Be funny.


64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. When I was a kid, because I'm Italian and because the Irish guys in my neighborhood were relentless with the beatings on St. Patrick's Day, I loved the very idea of Christopher Columbus. I loved the fact that Irish kids worshipped some gnome who drove all the rats out of Ireland or whatever, whereas my hero was an explorer. Man, I drank the Kool-Aid on that guy. Of course, I later learned that he was a hand-chopping, land-stealing egotist who sold out an entire hemisphere to European avarice. So I left Columbus behind. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve. See Roger Clemens. See Bill Belichick.


65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
If you can't, play more ball.


68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Note your landmarks -- mountains, power lines, the sound of a highway. Look for the sun: It sits in the south; it moves west. Gauge your direction every few minutes. If you're completely stuck, look for a small creek and follow it downstream. Water flows toward larger bodies of water, where people live.


69. Tie a knot.
Square knot: left rope over right rope, turn under. Then right rope over left rope. Tuck under. Pull. Or as my pack leader, Dave Kenyon, told me in a Boy Scouts meeting: "Left over right, right over left. What's so fucking hard about that?"


70. Shake hands. Steady, firm, pump, let go. Use the time to make eye contact, since that's where the social contract begins.


71. Iron a shirt. My uncle Tony the tailor once told me of ironing: Start rough, end gently.


72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
Blanket. Heavy flashlight. Hand warmers. Six bottles of water. Six packs of beef jerky. Atlas. Reflectors. Gloves. Socks. Bandages. Neosporin. Inhaler. Benadryl. Motrin. Hard candy. Telescoping magnet. Screwdriver. Channel-locks. Crescent wrench. Ski hat. Bandanna.


73. Caress a woman's neck. Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.


74. Know some birds. If you can't pay attention to a bird, then you can't learn from detail, you aren't likely to appreciate the beauty of evolution, and you don't have a clue how birdlike your own habits may be. You've been looking at them blindly for years now. Get a guide.


75. Negotiate a better price. Be informed. Know the price of competitors. In a big store, look for a manager. Don't be an asshole. Use one phrase as your mantra, like "I need a little help with this one." Repeat it, as an invitation to him. Don't beg. Ever. Offer something: your loyalty, your next purchase, even your friendship, and, with the deal done, your gratitude.

I Don't Need Your Help

This article was featured on Being Latino.


Well, at least didn’t think I did. I suppose you could say I’m prideful -- machismo, even. But I am not arrogant nor am I disrespectful. Part of the problem is that I don’t like to ask for help. I know I am fully capable of completing the task at hand on my own, but sometimes there’s just too much to do. The other part  of the issue is I couldn't recognize that people want to help because they want to see me succeed -- and being able to trust that someone else had my best interest at heart isn’t the easiest task.

When I started my business four years ago I made a couple major mistakes that limited my potential for growth; all because of my pride. The first one was when I decided against accepting money from investors. I didn’t want to have any pressure over my head of having to pay anyone back -- I also wasn’t sure I was even going to be able to. I didn’t understand the concept of spending someone else’s money before spending your own -- I wanted to do it my way with my money. The second mistake was in building my staff, and learning to delegate responsibilities. I didn’t want to inconvenience people that I really couldn’t financially afford to have working on my team. So I ran myself ragged trying to do it all myself.

The issues bled into my relationship. I am very adamant about keeping my personal life and my business separate, but I wasn’t demonstrating that very well. I became, and sometimes still am, one dimensional. My lady was only able to experience one facet of who I am, and since I was being consumed by my business, that is who she knew; and that's who she wanted to help. That led to many moments of frustration and even arguments concerning boundaries between our relationship and my business.

That was my biggest misconception.

She wasn’t trying to over step our relationship nor was she trying to take over what was mine. Her way of showing love and appreciation for me was to contribute to what she knew meant a lot to me. But I wasn’t open to accepting it; I wasn’t able to recognize what her love looked like. The same way I wasn’t open to investors; people who truly believed in me and wanted to help me succeed by providing much needed capitol. The same way I refused to delegate tasks to people who were more than willing and wanted to be a part of the company I created -- giving their time even when they knew there would be no financial compensation up front. But I couldn’t see that.

Pride can be blinding. In my case my pride was holding me back from receiving the blessings people wanted to give me. I was stuck in a state of mind where I was the only one that could do what needed to be done. I confined myself by believing there is only one way to complete a task; or only one way to show someone love. Machismo has gotten the best of me, but I’m learning to grow through it. I just keep reminding myself, “No one ever choked to death swallowing their pride.”

when does a relationship turn serious?

In the past couple weeks I've had a few conversations about chivalry, dating, independence and the role that they each play in dating or relationships. Among those conversations, the one that stood out the most to me was defining the seriousness of a relationship -- and when you compromise your independence.

Most 20-somethings fresh out of college are thinking about establishment...they aren't always focused on a relationship -- which can make for an unplanned transition in priorities and goals. Instead, they are hoping to land a good job with the ideal plan being to find something that has a salary that:

1. Allows you to maintain your lifestyle -- whether it be one you're growing into or one you're desperately holding on to.
2. Pay off debts -- school loans, car notes, credit cards, etc.
3. SAVE! So you can make all the big purchases you want: houses, cars, jet ski, etc.
   
4. Invest: business, property, real estate, retirement etc.
   

For a lot of us, our pay check is dedicated to #1 and #2, leaving less attention to focus on #3 and #4. I'm sure you can see how this can turn into a bigger tangent than intended, so let me go ahead and move into how this ties into dating.

Many times in your 20's you often find the person you will end up marrying, but before you get to the point of marriage there's this little dance we all have to do called "dating." Which many times we can date multiple people -- even at the same time. BUT the biggest question many struggle with is, "when does a relationship turn serious?" and "what will I be sacrificing?"

For me the answer is simple: its when you stop living in the moment and start planning for the future; together.

A serious relationship is pretty much the practice run for how your marriage will work with that particular person. Your communication and approach on disagreements wont change just because there is a ring. If priorities and goals aren't on a similar accord, you'll end up in two different places. And finally, one of the most critical aspects, you inherit each others good/bad financial decisions (debts, credit, etc.).

When you enter into a serious relationship you have to consult each other before making major purchases or life decisions for the simple reason that now your actions don't just affect you -- ring or not. Its crucial for the consideration and mutual respect you should display for each other -- and to also prevent acting on impulse when in hindsight it may be a bad decision.

I know its a hard concept to understand because many men a list of what they need to have/accomplish before they deem themselves ready for marriage...which I can understand and relate to from the perspective of being a provider. Many women want to establish themselves and their independence -- which I can understand as well from wanting the same things for myself. Both are meant for those who are single; when you're in a relationship its simple -- you have an obligation and responsibility to another person and that shouldn't be taken lightly. If you disagree...then you're probably not with the person you believe you're going to marry.

Sex on a first date... good or bad?

Well I suppose it really depends, is it also the last date? ha, im playing.

If you are going to date someone, whats the rush? Why not take the time to get to know them -- who they are, what they are about, what they stand for, and etc. -- before you lay down with them.

If you're really trying to build with someone, a foundation based on the physical connection probably won't sustain like one based on mental connection. Besides, waiting on sex just adds to how much you actually value the simple company of that person.

If you're just looking for the physical (as long as both parties are aware of intent)..well, that's cool too. Just be cautious of the consequences of promiscuity.


Another great question from my Formspring.

Is this hotel beeper friendly? [life lesson]

Is it me..? Am I really that "old fashioned," or is this younger generation really that inept at professionalism/communication? Maybe this is the transition of my entering "adulthood." Either that, or its a testament to the skills I've obtained from working for the past 10 years.

Now granted...I hate calling people and being on the phone when I don't have to simply because I'm on the phone all day at work...but is it really that much of an inconvenience to call, or even text, ahead of time and let the person you scheduled a meeting with know you'll be late or unable to make the meeting?

..........Maybe I'm just over critical...... No, I'm not. I gave myself a minute to think about it, too.

This is a lesson to be learned for myself: you can't help everybody. I do feel a desire and responsibility to share my knowledge to those trying to follow in my footsteps -- why should they have to reinvent the wheel? It comes down to the reality of the philosophy, "You only get back as much as you put in," and really those who are hungry for the knowledge and want to learn are the ones that are gonna put themselves in a position to make it easier for people to help them.

Business has no business in love, unless its a partnership [Guest Blogger]

Submitted by Miss Proctor

Partnership or Relationship?

Most of the definitions I stumbled upon for the word “partnership” interestingly enough dealt with business; I was even referenced to a financial dictionary for one of the definitions of partnership. But I found an interesting one out of the bunch:

Partnership:

“A relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility, as for the achievement of a specified goal: Neighborhood groups formed a partnership to fight crime.”

I don’t seek to be in a relationship. Terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are used as mediums for control and are superficial. Exchanges between “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” are often reduced to faithfulness out of obligation (because one dare not cheat on their “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” because their the “boyfriend”/”girlfriend”) and feuds stemming from jealousy; titles like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are territorial in their nature, much like “husband”/”wife.” The terms “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” are very heteronormative as well, to my knowledge I identify as straight, but if one day that changes why would I call my significant other my “girlfriend?” Terms like “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” have patriarchy so much tied to them. But that’s a whole other ballpark.

I seek a partnership with the opposite sex. A MUTUAL agreement that ensures that we both are spiritually and emotionally on the same page to embark on a journey that is simply about giving and taking: balance. Last year, my grandparents celebrated 50 years of “marriage.” (I argue that their marriage is a partnership; nothing like a marriage and the ways in which we see marriage performed.) Everyone kept asking them how they made it. Simply they would say: “It’s all about giving and taking…we know when we need to give one another space.” To this day, my grandmother still goes to bingo by herself twice a week and my grandfather goes to do the shopping for the home alone. They’ve mastered a partnership. They have been able to articulate what they’ve wanted from one another for 50 years (which was love and happiness, nothing more or less) and still have retained who they were before they got married. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I listen to them now as they chuckle and play dominoes together.

As for me…I seek to have a partner that doesn’t cheat on me not because I’m his “partner,” but rather he has no desire to. I’m enough for him. I do still have a desire to retain the person that I am…many people in “relationships” socially die. They weaken their ties with friends and become far too obsessed with their “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” and therefore forgetting and leaving behind who they were when they got into the “relationship” in the first place.

I seek to have a partner that I can share everything with. Sharing does not mean agree with. I have no desire to build with a carbon copy of myself. Many people get into “relationships” with people that are exactly like them. No room for growth in a partnership=failure. Partnerships are meant to flourish…

Lastly, I think sometimes our “relationships” invoke the same forms of dominance and control that the state inflicts upon us. We often treat our “significant other” like their chattel, our property. You should have to text your “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” about your whereabouts every 10 minutes. It’s called trust. This world has enough forms of surveillance around to keep tabs on us. The irony is that most people that have a “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” have no clue how to be their “boyfriend”/”girlfriend’s” friend. Once they break up no friendship is retained because friendship was never a premise of their “relationship.”

Moreover, rearticulating “boyfriend”/”girlfriend” relations takes more than changing what you call them. Some “partnerships” mimic “relationships” and vice versa.

I guess what I’m getting to is that maybe by more than just calling what I want from a man something different, but also articulating what I want will get me something different.

But what do I know, I’m a single 21 year old that’s only been in one serious “relationship” and has dated a multitude of “boys,” seeking to be men. I guess in learning what I don’t want from men, I’ve discovered what I do want.


More about Miss Proctor.

How would you like to be remembered?

I sat on this question for about two months. This was probably one of the hardest questions I've had the privilege to answer on formspring. At first I thought, maybe for things of sentimental value that I have left with/given to loved ones. Or even to be remembered for a movement, a change, or something along those lines in which I contributed to society or my industry. Finally, after a lot of thought I came to realize that it would be an honor just to be remembered period.

How would you like to be remembered?

Post-relationship relationships.

Its always a tough line to dance around -- especially factoring in how long the relationship was and how it ended. Being able to separate current feelings from the comfort and habits formed during that relationship to make sense of the new situation at hand.

Let me just go ahead and say this now:

YOU CAN NOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX.


Now before you stop reading because you think I'm one crazy mutha (shut yo mouth!) ...let me explain.


Anytime you involve yourself in an intimate relationship, you have emotional investment. Even after a break up you are going to have feelings for that person, at the least, care about their well being. That is only natural, it is almost inhumane not to care...and that's not even factoring in physical attraction.

Being on good terms and/or being an acquaintance is much different and slightly more detached than being a friend; especially when a new relationship is on the horizon. Maybe I see the definition, or the gravity, of words differently than some people, but these are some of the reasons why I don't think its healthy to be friends with your Ex:

1. Respect -- Respect for people and their decisions. While maintaining a line of communication is important, you must be mindful of appropriate topics in which you bring up or talk about. You two are no longer involved so certain things are none of your business -- no need to try to compare yourself with the current or plant seeds of malicious intent. However, if you do chose to talk about the new relationship use discretion; respect the privacy of you and your partner. Respect the new relationship, respect the decisions that were made and understand your new role. If you are trying to tempt each other into infidelity, why don't/didn't you just stay with each other to begin with?

2. Consideration -- Why put yourself in a situation that would raise eye brows? Have consideration for your current partner-- "my girl isn't the jealous type, she wont mind if i go over to my ex's pad and watch a movie and have a glass of wine"-- no, it doesn't work like that. And to top it off, that is a great way to hurt someone you supposedly care about. Have consideration for your current relationship and if you are maintaining an acquaintance know boundaries. Checking in on each other every so often to make sure you are alive and well, the family is doing well, you're in a good place in life...cool. Calling every other week to go kick it, maybe have a few drinks...suspect. If you've ended your relationship, it was for a reason.

3. Progression -- Learn from mistakes. Relationships are a learning experience. You take the good and expand on that. You learn from the bad and fix it for the future. There were particular reasons you ended your last relationship, remember those reasons when going into the new relationships so history doesn't repeat. Even more importantly, if the new relationship isn't working don't regress and go back to the old relationship because you are blinded by JUST the good memories you had with the ex while your current situation might be out-weighted by the bad moments. You left the last relationship to progress forward, its important that you do so and not take steps back...especially because of a comfort zone or better yet, accessibility. I remember Marilyn Monroe saying something along the lines of, "Good things fall apart, so great things can fall into place."

Believe in yourself and your decisions. Stand by them do whats best for your star player. You always hear poeple say, "never put all your eggs in one basket." Well that doesn't apply to love. If you are going to love someone, you have to do it whole heartily for it to work. You can't do it partially or part-time, its a conscious decision you make regardless of outcome. Invest in that new relationship, and dont be afraid to love. If it works out -- GREAT! If it doesn't -- you live, you learn, you progress.

Now, I'll never understand how people can say, "oh, yeah I'm good friends with my ex. We hang out all the time...its nothing, its all good." So you're telling me you don't look into that persons eyes and remember nights that you may have stayed up all night talking until you feel asleep? You're saying don't remember intimate moments shared and all the good times that were had when you are around them? You don't remember how you felt or how that person made you feel just from being around them...and maybe during a brief moment of, lets just say mental connection, a spark might not of come about while just "chillin"? You can completely block those out?

I know for myself, I can't. If I'm in close proximity to someone I was once in love with...over time it would be rather easy to over look certain short comings and fall back into the same unhealthy cycle/relationship we were once in--which consequently were the same reasons why we ended the relationship. I have to remove myself from that situation -- its not an immature, "I hate you, I hate your face, stay away from me" type of deal, but rather I know how I operate and I need to keep my distance in order to successfully detox. Make that transition, and build myself back up again so I can enter into a new relationship in a good state of mind, an open point of view, and an accepting willingness and understanding of knowing when to compromise, or when to hold firm. Be able to love unconditionally and be able to do so in a way that displays my growth where I'm not blinded by my past.

So for myself, at least, how do I move forward without untying the chain that would hold me back?

For you, well you pave the road to your own success, I just hope you use quality craftsmanship.





Rhythmically yours...

(this blog is featured on Product of Venus)

2009 - i had to do it

you knew it was coming...

So I might as well just jump right into it. I don't really know how I feel about the year as a whole. Personally this has probably been one of the most challenging years in my 24 years of living. Well, not THEE worst but probably top 3. However, professionally this has to have been one of my most productive and successful years of my career...so its a real trade off.

As I reflect back to NYE 2008 (just so we're clear I'm talking about December 31, 2008), I remember feeling a little uncertain, unsure, but giddy. A lot of new things were going on...new experiences, new feelings, new emotions - i really felt like 2009 was going to be a special year. In retrospect, it was. I was frustrated, torn, and somewhat lost most of the year but i never lost my sense of direction.

This years wrap has seemed to be the most difficult, and thus far has taken me the longest to conquer opposed to past years. I think right now i may have figured out why. A lot of the things I was dealing with in 2009 I thought I could face head on, and so I did. I came to terms with certain situations and made my peace with them, but they weren't necessarily done with me. I was tested as a son, a brother, a man, a friend, and as a companion. Though I may have said what people may or may not have wanted to hear; I was able to speak more freely from the heart and that in itself helped leave my heart less heavy.

I spent a lot of time this year figuring out a balance that worked for me, something that proved to tend to all aspects of my life and ultimately give me a healthier mind, body and soul. I made significant progress, but there is still more work to be done. I learned, the hard way, that I can never settle for where I am at, if I get too comfortable then I stop progressing.

I recently learned that dealing with your problems head on can be a very big mistake. My dude Johnny V., my favorite Cigar Connoisseur from Sac Town, told me one day in his shop...people always try to face their problems head on; yeah you solved that particular problem but you don't see what lies behind that problem..or what else is to come. He told me, in order to understand any particular situation you can't face it head on; you have to sit on top of it. You have to be able to look down at the problem and see it from the sky. See everything as it is and whats around it: front, back and either side. Only then will you be able to properly assess a problem and everything it involves and move accordingly.

2009 we made the toast, "no babies!"...but it was all jokes. Later we found out 2009 was seeded in balance and transitions. One of my best friends is expecting his first child this month, I'm really excited for him and his family and I just felt like sharing. Anyway, for 2010's new years toast Cliff and I said this year should be about harmony and establishment, taking everything we've learned thus far to find the harmony in life. Take our mistakes in stride and not losing focus of where we're trying to be.


So here's to 2010: Harmony and Establishment.


life is music, and music is love.

Random Acts of Kindness...Pass it on

So this morning I was running late. I get to the train station about 5-10 minutes before my train was due to arrive and there were no parking spots available. So I head out to park on the main street about a block or so away from the station and start running down the street. As I'm running, a beige F150 pulls over and a woman yells out at me, "are you late for your train?!" Now I'm thinking myself, "Great...I'm going to get harassed on my way to work," but then woman says, "Get in, I'll give you a ride." Marie, who works in Mission Viejo, was telling me about how she wishes she could ride the train into work everyday, but she is unable to because there is no way for her to get from the train station to her office. We had maybe a 2 minute ride together and she was once of the nicest strangers I have ever met. She didn't asked for anything in return nor accept my monetary compensation. She just wanted to give me a ride so I wouldn't be late for work. I hope she wasn't late for work in exchange for helping me make my train on time.

Well, I don't remember if I ever got to say it Marie, but thank you for the ride. I did make it on time and hopefully I see you again one day to let you know how much I appreciated the lift.

Once against my faith in humanitarianism is restored. Thank you Marie.

Big Brother

Does anyone else have a problem with this commercial and the fact that they are using the invasion of our privacy to market their network?

-They can read our emails, text messages and hear our conversations.
-GPS allows them to keep tabs on where we are at any given moment
-They eves drop on our break up conversations...

I don't know about you, but this "now network" doesn't seem like something as promising as they are making it out to be. They are real slick about it too...they ease into the idea of invasion of privacy with telling us how many people are on the network...they are able to handle a enormous number of emails and then slap you with the most common topic in emails....that's a little suspect.

I don't know whats worse...the fact that we have lost all ability to maintain privacy or the fact that Sprint puts it out there so openly and willingly to admit that they are watching our every move...


can someone say 1984?

Real Talk.

"The greatest gift we as humans can give each other is the gift of encouragement"


I woke up feeling so good and so refreshed today. In all honesty I don't remember the last time I woke up feeling like this. I was feeling real inspired today, really creative...I started 3 new pieces on the train this morning...and my ride is only about 35 minutes from Buena Park to Union station.

So walking up to my office, I gave my friend Cliff a call just to tell him how good I was feeling how positive of an outlook I had on my day, and my life and everything going on. To no surprise he woke up with the same feeling, just a natural high off of accomplishments in the past couple weeks. 

Anyway, summing up our conversation we were just talking about life in general and how its the small things that make life so beautiful. He said he read a quote that morning, "The greatest gift we as humans can give each other is the gift of encouragement," and it really stuck with me all day and even into that evening when we hit the lab with one of our female vocalist...the theme transcended into a new track we created on the spot in just a couple hours. 

I started reflecting on all the wonderful blessings I have...a loving family, supportive friends, my music, my job...and I just started thinking there is no reason to get down on life, and understand that its okay to not be happy with where i am right now because it is only temporary. Its the love and support from my friends and family that encourage me to keep bettering myself. They keep my mind right in understanding that progress comes slow and steady. I have a bad habit of trying to run before I walk, and when I don't achieve the greatness I feel I am capable of I am very hard on myself...self-destructive even. 

So right now I just want to take the time to say thank you to all my friends and family that have held me accountable to my dreams, helped me meet my goals, picked me up when i didn't meet them and for simply believing in me. I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the lines I have developed an issue with expressing my thanks and appreciation to those closest to me, and that is a bad habit I am currently working on changing. 

so for now...peace, love and many thanks to you all. 

(This post was started on 2/27/09, but I wasn't able to finish it until this morning...forgive the confusion in abrupt tense change)

I see myself...

So lately I've been thinking about things I would like to accomplish that might not necessarily have to do with my ultimate career goals, or goals that I usually share openly with people.

-I want to write a children book...the topic as of now, for the first book at least, will probably be self acceptance and identity.

-I want to teach 3rd grade... Actually I think I rather work with resource students, students such as myself with learning disabilities...especially ones that struggle with curriculum because the schools they are attending lack the funding and resources to be able to properly accommodate students with special needs.

-I want to coach a baseball team, maybe as high as high school level.

There are other things on my list, but those are the ones I have been thinking about lately.



I wonder sometimes if I'm chasing the right dream, right now anyway...and is it selfish to want to do it all, better yet is it impossible?

Inauguration Day

Its a bitter sweet feeling to watch Obama get sworn in as President because as beautiful of an event that is was, I really wanted to be there to experience the anticipation of standing outside the U.S. Capitol waiting for hours to hear him speak. To hear his voice echo sound of victories of the past, and victories come through the crisp air. To feel the numbness in my legs from standing longer and walking so much further than i am used to, but somehow still remain standing strong from the sense of self empowerment that is instilled in me with the slogan "Change has come to America." I just wanted to be amongst the people who felt that change was not coming from just one man, but by a collective effort from everyone who wants to better the situations we are all suffering in.

However, I must say I am very grateful for technology. I was able to watch, probably thee most historic event in my lifetime, the inauguration of the first black president, while at sitting at work.

Obama has a lot of weight on his shoulders, and many doubters that are now turned into believers are holding him to a high standard that seems pretty unrealistic. There is no way that in 4 years or even 8 years he can turn around the mess we have been gradually digging deeper into exponentially over the past 8+ years. I was talking to Soulé about it today and he pointed out that the Great Depression lasted 13 years...and people are still hesitant about calling the state of our economy a recession! Obama was pretty up front in his speech today that there are no guarantee's that change will happen immediately, but he intends to lay down the foundation for change and an even better tomorrow.

Through out his whole campaign Obama has been about getting everyone involved in the movement, everyone is accountable for success, everyone is contributing to achieving success, so when victory came it was that much sweeter to the people who felt that they genuinely had their voice heard for the first time. Now as president the same momentum is pushing on, and Obama has asked that people go into the trenches with him. He asked that we believe in ourselves and our ability to initiate change as individuals and collectively as a whole.

To me this is what Obama represents, and inspires...motivation to be the change you want to see, a drive to succeed even in the darkest conditions, and the desire to take the path less chosen.

Its a beautiful day ya'll...its a beautiful day!

2008 in review (Coming to Terms)

It is now 2009, and this post is 6 days over due.

The past 12 months have by far been the most interesting in my life thus far. From personal accomplishment in my own life, my career, and my music, to being regulated with set backs from doors closing to bridges burning.

Coming to Terms is the concept I came up with for the title of my project...that as of now is still an album 23 years in the making. As the year progressed the concept seemed to turn into the theme of my life at this point in time.

-There is a clear distinction between my family and my relatives.

-I finally said peace to UCR as a student and as a staff member.

-Being a poet and conscious emcee doesn't mean I cant still make a club banger with a message.

-I love making music, spoken word, and performing but I also want to work in student affairs.

-Sometimes you have to go backwards in order to move forward.

-Putting out old flames for good...

This was my first full year out of college, and i can honestly say i don't miss school. However, I do talk about going back to school all the time but its not because I miss school as much as it is a necessity to obtain a masters degree in order to advance in my field.

I've been working in student affairs for almost a year now and I have to say I love this field. Its has been a blessing to have the mentors I've had and to be encouraged by people that I've looked up to throughout my college career. If it wasn't for them I probably would have taken the path of becoming a teacher and more likely than not gotten tired of teaching the same lesson 6 times a day. Thankfully I was brought into student affairs and was exposed to a whole new realm of education and inspiration...but as much as I love working in student affairs I'm not exactly happy with where I am with it right now...but you have to start somewhere and that is why I am so grateful for the opportunity to be working at USC. With this stepping stone I intend continue my growth professionally as well as getting back into the classroom as a student.

As for my career with music...I have really been soaking it all in. I try to get a hand in as much as possible and at times it gets a little over whelming. So let me recap what that all entails. I did the performing circuit for a couple months as a spoken word poet, had somewhat regular studio sessions to start brainstorming/working on my solo project "coming to terms," i started a record label (which might not fit the typical mold of record labels), I wrote/composed for some other artists, and i think the best part of it all was all the amazing and talented people I've met along the way.

Just reflecting back on the year as a whole, I feel I had a very successful year. Opportunities were presented and I capitalized. New friendships were made, and old friendships were strengthened. I saw struggle and witnessed perseverance. I experienced the power of change by positively influencing one person at a time rather trying to change the whole world at once. More importantly, i stopped trying to reinvent the wheel.

My goal for this year is to obtain stability and balance. In order to be successful i must find that balance between work, school, music, and loved ones in order to maintain my progress towards achieving my personal and professional goals while still keeping my sanity.

To those who know...1 year down, 9 to go...

I'm 23, and life has just begun.

Accountability

Now is the time to start holding myself accountable for:

-my dreams

-my actions

-my goals

Its not that I don't hold myself accountable right now for my actions, because I do. I just feel like I have gotten to a point in my life where I sort of just got to comfortable...well maybe stagnant is the word I'm looking for. You know that feeling when you seem like you just can't get ahead?

Well in all honesty I have been making progress musically, professionally and business-wise but its the fact that I hold such high expectations upon myself that I feel like I am not measuring up. I have my closest friends telling me that I need to calm down and take baby steps, but I feel like I have so much that I need to get done its hard to just walk away from it to give myself type to recoup physically and mentally, and the fact that iIhaven't given myself a break has been taking a toll on my body.

I need to learn my limitations as well improve a health living style...because obviously being a work-a-holic isn't working out for me. I'll touch on that in another blog

One common theme that I have been noticing with myself and with my friends is that we all have goals, not all of them are similar, but still we are goal oriented. My friend Mr. Notes and I had a conversation about how as friends it is our responsibility to hold each other accountable for achieving our goals. Relying on one another and depending on one another, not as a crutch for accomplishment, but for support mentally and physically when the road gets dark and your vision gets dreary. Someone that will keep your mind focused but not let you over work yourself while simultaneously keeping you on track for success.

So this is dedicated to my family, my friends and colleagues...the road to success is often under construction...I check you, you check me...just how its supposed to be.

Path Less Chosen

I truly believe that the hope for a better future lies within youth...i remember how much i hated listening to teachers growing up talk about poverty, social status, economic status, racism, etc., but none of them shared my same experience because none of them really came from a minority background. I always bought into the idea of being whatever or doing whatever i wanted and working hard towards...my uncle was that for me, but he was a quiet man and didn't really about it until just before he had passed away.... anyway, there were some teachers that were really educated on social issues, just really enlightened people...but still that success story i was looking for, the story of a young Chicano that went to school, did something significant, made an impact on their community...showed younger minorities that there are options out there other than embracing the "hood life" lifestyle, following gang tends, and embracing your cultural identity.

I was given the privilege to go to school, even thought my parents didn't earn nearly enough to afford for me to go to school, i was awarded some grants and took out school loans to make it all possible. Being a first generation college student, i experienced a lot of trial and error, which is something that all first generation students face simply because they don't have someone to guide them though the process. I hated the fact that i had to struggle so much in school, and figure out what college was about (referring t everything other than curriculum) and applying and all that, but i don't blame my parents because its not their fault they didn't know what to do. When i reflect on my experience in school and making that transition wish i had someone that i could look up to and model after, someone that had a similar background as me became something or someone positive. My uncle was a great influence...but on an educational stand point...no one in my family attended college.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is this...i feel like the best way to see change is to be the change you see. I just don't understand why people don't understand that. I want to be working at the high schools and colleges making sure minority youth know they have someone with a similar experience as theirs to learn from in a positive light. Basically i want to provide to students something that i felt was lacking in my academic experience. what urks me is that people don't see the bigger picture, instead they look at assets...the car i drive, my investment portfolio, my annual income...our economy has gone to shit because somewhere along the lines we have stopped investing in people and been too caught up with obtaining, or achieving, this superficial image of success that we believe is the American dream. 

not many people find something they do well at a young age...although music and education are my passions its my ability to get the best out of people is what i am good at and i just happen to do so using my music or working in education. I know i'll probably never earn a million dollars a year, drive expensive cars, own a huge mansion, or have filet mignon for dinner everyday but in all honesty i dont really want that. Thats not what motivates me...i just wish people would understand my perspective and just not be so money hungry. 

Why not me?

I love Latin women, but I don't always date Latin women. Its not that i don't try or make the effort, but when i do try to pursue Latin women I come up empty handed. With my experiences thus far, i can say confidently that many Latin women don't find me attractive.
If they aren't attracted to me...i can't force it upon them.

I try to stay very involved in my community, especially with the youth. From elementary school students to college students, I have been blessed with the opportunity to work with them, mentor and share some of my life experiences through poetry and music with them. At the least i just try to be a positive role model for Chicano youth.

So anyway, I've dated a fair amount of women in my 23 years, all from diverse backgrounds. I don't discriminate against women i date based on their ethnicity, interests, culture, nor social class...but what i don't understand is how i get hated on when i date someone that is not Latina. Accusations such as me being a hypocrite (being about the people but not dating raza), or not practicing what i preach (not sure how that's relevant, maybe dating outside of raza is abandoning my heritage?) are thrown at me...but i don't understand how those phrases are even relevant. I'm not elitist and I have never believed people shouldn't marry/date out of their ethnicity.

First off, if Latin women aren't attracted to me...they aren't attracted to me. I'm not going to force myself into a situation or relationship strictly on the premise of color.

Second, a relationship is not about finding love, its about find someone you can build love with. I personally don't really want someone exactly like me, but at the same time possess some of the same character traits. ideally I'd like to have someone who has their own career, goals, aspirations...basically have an idea and know where they want to be but not necessarily take the same path to get there.

Finally, the way i act, speak, talk, dress, etc is not that of a typical Latino or Chicano. The way in which i present myself is how i would like to be treated, respectfully. Its always been a tight rope type of line i walk because I'm either seen as white washed or too ethnic. Although i do my best to say deep rooted, many people would assume that i am not based on my looks. I'm not going to lie, its stings when i get written off or talked down to because i date a woman that aren't raza...but what happens when the women that really take a liking and interest into my experience and my culture happen to be that of non Latino heritage? what happens when my most stimulating conversation comes from a woman that has similar experiences that relate to mine but are still completely different because she isn't Chicana...why does ethnic make-up play such a big role when you really need to build a relationship with someone based on what they consist of under that make up.

So now regardless of the women i choose to pursue...we all struggle, we all persevere...our experiences may not be the exact same but its what makes unique and the beauty of that is learning from them and relating to each other when you didn't think it was possible...i want to end this blog with a quote from the greatest DJ in the world, DJ Soulé..."you can't expect to find love...you have to create it."






just as a side note...anything written in these blogs can and will be turned into a poem, song or use in some way.

Success Delievered Within

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

--R. Frost

I believe it was fall semester of 10th grade when i first read this poem, and coincidentally monster.com used it in their Superbowl add that year also.

The road less traveled could be any avenue in life, really. I for one choose to relate it to the music industry and hip hop artists. Let me first begin by saying hip hop culture is very much alive still and steady pushing through the unsung hero's that support the local art, artist and movement in their area and nationwide.

Major labels feel they have some type of control over hip hop because they see it as a business commodity. They can manipulate the masses to drink certain beverages , wear specific clothing, dress, act, walk, talk, etc., by having artist mention it in songs. On one hand we see a rich cultural identity turn into a materialistic label, and buying into the souljaboi's, lil jons, and other mindless music...but its the people buying the records that manipulate where hip hop goes. Without money to fund your art...the art soon vanishes. I give it up to the souljaboi's and lil' jons because they make music that makes people want to move, and that's cool because they are doing what they set out to do...make people happy. But what about the people in hip hop that actually made thought provoking records and still bump like Little Brother, Living Legends, Tribe, Slum Village, Strange Fruit Project, Common, pac, pharsyde, mos def/talib and so on and so on.

For my generation to the next generation...being first hand in the classroom with students as a teacher and as a student i see that our schools are plagued with lazy thinkers. Its a painful reality that our future lies in the hands of today's youth, and we're not investing nearly enough time into them.

Being young to the industry, i still speak as though I'm not affected by the inherent affects of what the people want, and to some degree its not true. At this point in my career the music i make and the music i write is from the heart. real life experiences from a confused kid that's trying to figure his world out. But I've seen dudes start out on the same path as me...and i see them now 5 or 6 steps ahead and their mentality changes. the industry can make the warmest souls turn cold hearted. To go from "I'm about the music" to "fuck you, pay me. " ..and it has nothing to do with them not loving their career, but everything to do with not being able to survive of making music that is...well, thought provoking.

"i write for my life because I'm scared of a 9 to 5"

but what happens when passion doesn't put food on the table or pay the rent?

Worst Enemy

I am definitely my own worst enemy, and critic. I over-think, over-analyze, demand perfection the first time...when really...nothing is every perfect the first time. Sadly that isn't just my own opinion but has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions.

Being a perfectionist is cool at times, but when it gets to the point when nothing is getting accomplished because what you have just doesn't seem good enough...then there's a problem. I could list all the things i have that need to be done, but aren't complete yet because I'm not happy with them.

This blog for example...i think i have three or four blogs written that haven't published yet...but that's just because i haven't gotten around to finishing them :)

Then there is my EP I've been working on. I have 5 songs ready to go and be recorded, and i have performed live by the way, but something just isn't quite right bout them...usually the hook.

A few poems i have...quite a few actually, i start and never finish them unless i am going to be performing one.

Any, let me get to the point of this blog. I have come to terms with one of my biggest faults, over-thinking. The only way i will ever see my progression is if i have something to show for right now and can look back on it. Whether it be with music, poetry, business...progress doesn't come without learning from mistakes...I must be content with what i have accomplished at the moment and understand that i can always add to it later...improve it and ideally make it better.

Posting this blog is a big step forward since I've been working on it for the last two days.