Accountability

Now is the time to start holding myself accountable for:

-my dreams

-my actions

-my goals

Its not that I don't hold myself accountable right now for my actions, because I do. I just feel like I have gotten to a point in my life where I sort of just got to comfortable...well maybe stagnant is the word I'm looking for. You know that feeling when you seem like you just can't get ahead?

Well in all honesty I have been making progress musically, professionally and business-wise but its the fact that I hold such high expectations upon myself that I feel like I am not measuring up. I have my closest friends telling me that I need to calm down and take baby steps, but I feel like I have so much that I need to get done its hard to just walk away from it to give myself type to recoup physically and mentally, and the fact that iIhaven't given myself a break has been taking a toll on my body.

I need to learn my limitations as well improve a health living style...because obviously being a work-a-holic isn't working out for me. I'll touch on that in another blog

One common theme that I have been noticing with myself and with my friends is that we all have goals, not all of them are similar, but still we are goal oriented. My friend Mr. Notes and I had a conversation about how as friends it is our responsibility to hold each other accountable for achieving our goals. Relying on one another and depending on one another, not as a crutch for accomplishment, but for support mentally and physically when the road gets dark and your vision gets dreary. Someone that will keep your mind focused but not let you over work yourself while simultaneously keeping you on track for success.

So this is dedicated to my family, my friends and colleagues...the road to success is often under construction...I check you, you check me...just how its supposed to be.

Path Less Chosen

I truly believe that the hope for a better future lies within youth...i remember how much i hated listening to teachers growing up talk about poverty, social status, economic status, racism, etc., but none of them shared my same experience because none of them really came from a minority background. I always bought into the idea of being whatever or doing whatever i wanted and working hard towards...my uncle was that for me, but he was a quiet man and didn't really about it until just before he had passed away.... anyway, there were some teachers that were really educated on social issues, just really enlightened people...but still that success story i was looking for, the story of a young Chicano that went to school, did something significant, made an impact on their community...showed younger minorities that there are options out there other than embracing the "hood life" lifestyle, following gang tends, and embracing your cultural identity.

I was given the privilege to go to school, even thought my parents didn't earn nearly enough to afford for me to go to school, i was awarded some grants and took out school loans to make it all possible. Being a first generation college student, i experienced a lot of trial and error, which is something that all first generation students face simply because they don't have someone to guide them though the process. I hated the fact that i had to struggle so much in school, and figure out what college was about (referring t everything other than curriculum) and applying and all that, but i don't blame my parents because its not their fault they didn't know what to do. When i reflect on my experience in school and making that transition wish i had someone that i could look up to and model after, someone that had a similar background as me became something or someone positive. My uncle was a great influence...but on an educational stand point...no one in my family attended college.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is this...i feel like the best way to see change is to be the change you see. I just don't understand why people don't understand that. I want to be working at the high schools and colleges making sure minority youth know they have someone with a similar experience as theirs to learn from in a positive light. Basically i want to provide to students something that i felt was lacking in my academic experience. what urks me is that people don't see the bigger picture, instead they look at assets...the car i drive, my investment portfolio, my annual income...our economy has gone to shit because somewhere along the lines we have stopped investing in people and been too caught up with obtaining, or achieving, this superficial image of success that we believe is the American dream. 

not many people find something they do well at a young age...although music and education are my passions its my ability to get the best out of people is what i am good at and i just happen to do so using my music or working in education. I know i'll probably never earn a million dollars a year, drive expensive cars, own a huge mansion, or have filet mignon for dinner everyday but in all honesty i dont really want that. Thats not what motivates me...i just wish people would understand my perspective and just not be so money hungry. 

Why not me?

I love Latin women, but I don't always date Latin women. Its not that i don't try or make the effort, but when i do try to pursue Latin women I come up empty handed. With my experiences thus far, i can say confidently that many Latin women don't find me attractive.
If they aren't attracted to me...i can't force it upon them.

I try to stay very involved in my community, especially with the youth. From elementary school students to college students, I have been blessed with the opportunity to work with them, mentor and share some of my life experiences through poetry and music with them. At the least i just try to be a positive role model for Chicano youth.

So anyway, I've dated a fair amount of women in my 23 years, all from diverse backgrounds. I don't discriminate against women i date based on their ethnicity, interests, culture, nor social class...but what i don't understand is how i get hated on when i date someone that is not Latina. Accusations such as me being a hypocrite (being about the people but not dating raza), or not practicing what i preach (not sure how that's relevant, maybe dating outside of raza is abandoning my heritage?) are thrown at me...but i don't understand how those phrases are even relevant. I'm not elitist and I have never believed people shouldn't marry/date out of their ethnicity.

First off, if Latin women aren't attracted to me...they aren't attracted to me. I'm not going to force myself into a situation or relationship strictly on the premise of color.

Second, a relationship is not about finding love, its about find someone you can build love with. I personally don't really want someone exactly like me, but at the same time possess some of the same character traits. ideally I'd like to have someone who has their own career, goals, aspirations...basically have an idea and know where they want to be but not necessarily take the same path to get there.

Finally, the way i act, speak, talk, dress, etc is not that of a typical Latino or Chicano. The way in which i present myself is how i would like to be treated, respectfully. Its always been a tight rope type of line i walk because I'm either seen as white washed or too ethnic. Although i do my best to say deep rooted, many people would assume that i am not based on my looks. I'm not going to lie, its stings when i get written off or talked down to because i date a woman that aren't raza...but what happens when the women that really take a liking and interest into my experience and my culture happen to be that of non Latino heritage? what happens when my most stimulating conversation comes from a woman that has similar experiences that relate to mine but are still completely different because she isn't Chicana...why does ethnic make-up play such a big role when you really need to build a relationship with someone based on what they consist of under that make up.

So now regardless of the women i choose to pursue...we all struggle, we all persevere...our experiences may not be the exact same but its what makes unique and the beauty of that is learning from them and relating to each other when you didn't think it was possible...i want to end this blog with a quote from the greatest DJ in the world, DJ Soulé..."you can't expect to find love...you have to create it."






just as a side note...anything written in these blogs can and will be turned into a poem, song or use in some way.